in summary...

What I learned in Mexico:

-Don't be Mija, Naco, or Lupe. If you do, you might get cachetadas guajoloteras

 -It's bien gacho to k-nife someone in the behind you

-It's even worse to bi-te someone in the behind you...unless they're related

-You need the Fua if you want to be the best of the best of the best, sir

-If your compadre offers you un chorro de toluache, say maybe of course

-If your compadre offers you un churro, say no of course

-I learned to smi-le and make facial expressions

-I learned that there are certain things you need to ask yourself, like: "¿Estoy en el cielo o la tierra?" and: "¿Juay de rito?"

-I learned the correct response to "Aja vo ¿que onda?"  is "Naranjas ¿y tunas?"

-I learned about the Mamut Chiquitito and las ruedas del ferrocarril

-If there are too many tocallos, you can always change people's names

-Never say no to Panda

-Mexican Shepherds are actually really cool dogs

I learned that the church in Mexico is growing like crazy and that people are hungry for God and the gospel like you wouldn't believe ....

Preparing for the August rush

see how i alluded to a movie in the title. dang. as punishment, i wrote out this whole post; poured out my heart and soul...then when i tried to post it, my internet had logged out and it got lost. It would be tragic if it wasn't funny.

So, we're basically done here (i think). We keep having our "last ____." Last time with Omar's group, last visit to la Uni, tomorrow is our last church service here...etc. We've packed a billion meetings and hangouts into these last few days (we have 3 left), but they're all enjoyable. We're trying to connect our contacts to the church still and the ones we don't, we'll see in January. Saying goodbyes and taking tourist photos; telling people to come to LT and saying we'll be back in January... all that stuff. I have a whole awesome album to put on the face book and a list of the things i've learned to write up. And we need to think about the almost-inevitable Missions Moment we'll be doing soon..

And so we shift gears to thinking about homegroup. We want to multiply this semester. We're set to do it with leadership and size and momentum and all that jazz... we just have to commit to it at Staff Retreat and cast vision for it this semester. Staff Retreat will happen promptly after we get back to Texas, then Anne's graduation, then it's back to work in CStat.. which will be interesting sans school. All that is in the future though; right now my focus is Staff Retreat.

It's all come full circle. My first Staff Retreat was on the beach, which i loved. I came into it scared senseless and it was the best week of my college life. This year i am putting equally high hope into the week. Last year we went to a camp somewhere and it was cool, but because of where i was at the time, it felt all business, no relationship. This year, which *appears to be* my last Staff Retreat, we're back at the beach, which i love. I'm going into it dry and burnt out after the worst year of my college life (year and a half, really)... and i'm putting a lot of expectation and hope into what i hope God will do.

See, in Mexico, i've been able to ignore all the things which were the worst in my life. *this is the whole honest, soul-pouring part* I've been away from all of the interpersonal mess i've made for myself and, even though i haven't fixed my God-problem, i haven't had people depending on "me" (in my mind), so it doesn't make as much difference.

"'God problem?'" Oh, yeah...the past year and a half i've been emotionally disconnected from God. Worship (which i love) feels empty and forced, prayer feels one-sided, quiet times are...well...quiet. And i just gave a teaching yesterday (Friday) on how, in leadership/discipleship (and life, really), mantaining your relationship with God is the most important thing you can do. I've been wrestling with this for a while and i have no answers.

At first i thought, "Aha! I have sin in my life that is keeping me from God and he's showing it to me!" So i promptly began confessing the sins i could find in my heart and life... it didn't change anything and then i remembered Job. "Aha! God is testing my motivations for seeking him!" So i began checking them... do i pursue God for how he makes me feel? No, it's not about my feelings; he's worthy of my love and praise regardless..becasue he's God... but nothing changed. Then i though, "Ah..it's my personality. I've never been very emotional, anyway..." but i used to feel things with God, the intimacy was beautiful and deep.. "Ah...maybe i turned off my emotions in some emo can't love, can't hurt thing.." But i just don't think that's the case. And if it was, god could break through any walls that i put up. But do i have to want him to do it?

"Aha! God is trying to get me to pursue him!" All my life i've been carried places by God (kicking and screaming usually). Maybe he wants me to pursue him. But how? prayer? scripture? fasting? ...with all of my heart. Here's where i get stuck. I'm don't feel desperate for God. I don't feel like a deer panting for water. I don't feel anything. that's the problem. It's a cycle and i can't break it. I understand that i'm completely dependent on God, i just don't feel it.. is that bad? i don't know. Maybe i need to be brought to a breaking point, where i just can't stand it anymore.

There's the problem though...This past year and a half has been bad. If God hadn't brought the Kroegers to my homegroup this year, it would have been a really bad year. I can't ead a newly multiplied homegroup if i'm not connected to God and a newly multiplied homegroup doesn't need a leader who falls apart. But if i have to be taken to the end of my rope, to where i'm humbled and fall apart, that's where it's heading. This past year and a half, i've been slowly but surely proved incompetent in all of the things i think i'm good at (driving, running, people skills, spanish, school, self-discipline, healthy living, kindness, etc). I've gained some 35 pounds and i've got a back injury that doesn't even let me sit comfortably half the time. I'm in a position where i could be broken, but i still feel (not to sounds prideful) like i have a lot of rope left before the end. I want God to break me at Staff Retreat, but i don't want it to be incomplete. I want him to dig deep into me and cut out all the crap in my heart because i don't want to be seperated from him like this again. I want this to end, but i don't want it to end before it's supposed to.

So...that's my complaining post, the next one will be funny.

*Hiking, witchcraft, art, discipleship

"witchraft?" we'll get there.

Yesterday (Wednesday), marked the beginning of our last week in Monterrey.

We went on many adventures, but it began with Cerro de la Silla, which is a mountain overlooking Monterrey. It's shaped like a giant saddle and is a famous landmark for the city (College Station-ites, there is a restaurant, La Botana, off of Villa Maria that has a picture on the sign). We started at around 8 in the morning and went to climb up to a cool lookout spot about a quarter of the way up (we didn't have time to legitimately climb the whole thing), where we prayed and looked out over as much of the city as we could see.

"witchcraft?" calm down.

People keep asking me if i'm ready to leave Monterrey. I really think i am. I have been for a while and i don't know why. I like it here, don't get me wrong, but it doesn't feel right right now. All i can think about is what i want to do for homegroup and for our January Mexico trip. I don't know if that reflects any on my perpetual existential question "what am i supposed to do with my life??" but i don't think so. This feels weird because i'm a 2-month guest. I have no semblance of independence here... i wake up most days and don't know what we will do that day...it's like i lack a direction or vision; though i understand what we're doing here (encouraging the church and helping it grow). Maybe it's the lack of ability to make my own plans. I feel like (as the Bible says) an old man, led around, fed, etc... maybe it's pride, maybe not.

"witchcraft??" my, how you do harp on that.

After we hiked, we went to H.E.B. and got some donuts and ate them at Perla's house... they were lovely.

"witchcraft?" you're going do be disappointed, you know.

After we ate our donuts we went to a Cathartic Therapy session to which Lulu's dad invited us. "A what??" Exactly. I made up that name because i don't know what it was. We were helping with the session. Here's the way it worked: A husband and wife were having trouble with their 18 year old son or something like that. We (around 10 people that they didn't know) all went into a room and basically did roleplaying. They chose people to represent themselves, then chose someone to represent their son (any guesses who that was? yea, me). They positioned their surrogate selves and then positioned me. The guy running it then chose other people to represent things (he didn't say what) and told them to go stand where they felt they belonged (they didn't know what they were). Then he identified them and used their positioning to explin "my" (the son's) desires and priorities. Schooling was standing right in front of me and i couldn't see past it to where Life, Love and Career were standing. He introduced another character, the dead son of the couple and had me say (this is all in Spanish and i barely understood) that i couldn't live for both of us and a bunch of other stuff. Then he had the real parents step in for their surrogates and say all kinds of stuff and the mom was crying and there was some powerful catharsis... but, the whole thing felt very strange to me. It was some form of European therapy, but it felt like a modern shell-tossing or intestine-reading. Javier and i decided it was witchcraft. (tada).
Anyway, Lulu's dad (who doesn't trust people) was really grateful and he likes us and all that an it's really good for Lulu being able to come to the church.

After that we ate pizza from an Oxxo, then headed to the Marco (Museo de ARte COntemporaneo) to meet with Liz (who didn't come) and some friends from the church (who did come). We saw the Hyper-realism art of some guy (giant people, super-lifelike) and got in trouble for sitting on the ledges and generally had a great time.

Tomorrow (Friday) Sheryl and i are teaching again, this time on discipleship. So, i'm going to organize all of my thougts here. I'm going to say some preliminary stuff, then Sheryl will say everything she has, then i'll say the stuff i stole from...NLT (new leaders training, offered by Fellowship).

Important things to remember:
-No one is my disciple. I don't want a bunch of little Sams running around doing things the way i do them. We are disciples of Christ. My goal is to help people younger than me in the faith become more like Christ.
-The ultimate goal is maturity. I do not want someone to be forever reliant upon me to feed them. Just like with a kid, we teach them to feed themselves and, eventually, feed others. Not that we don't need each other. The goal is not independence, but interdependence.
-For the discipler, as for the evangelist, it is crucial to remember our roles. We are not causing spiritual growth. Like in 1st Corinthians 3, we are planting and watering seeds, but God is the only one who can make a person grow.
-Discipleship is a form of leadership. When we disciple someone, they are giving us a measure of authority over our lives. Because of that, even though we rely on the Holy Spirit for our success, it is important that s discipler have a certain amount of spiritual maturity.
-As a discipler, the single most important thing for you to do is maintain your relationship with God. This is the case for any leadership. Your relationship with God has to come first. If that relationship suffers, what does it matter what you accomplish?

Then Sheryl will talk awhile.

Ok, the goal of discipleship is spiritual maturity, how to we get there? There are four main areas of growth in a person's life. Character, Doctrine, Ministry Skills, Devotion to God.

Character, simply put, is what you are made of. What traits do you have? Things like the fruit of the Spirit... how a person lives their life. If we don't grow in character, the result is hypocrisy in our lives.
Doctrine is what you believe. Do you believe what the Bible says about the world, about God, about yourself? The last one is often the hardest; our identity in Christ is the thing the enemy attacks the most. If we do not grow in doctrine, the result is heresy in our beliefs.
Ministry Skills is basically how well you do "Christian" things. Can you share the gospel? Can you lead a discussion? Can you disciple others? If we don't grow in ministry skills, we will be less helpful in advancing God's kingdom.
Devotion to God is the most important. It's our motivation, why do we do what we do? Why do we do anything? For God. For God's glory. If we don't grow in devotion to God, we will do things for selfish reasons.

Ok, how do we help people grow in these four areas? The three main tools we have are Spiritual Disciplines, Relationships and Responsibilities.

Spiritual Disciplines. These are all the things that we are always told we should do. Prayer, reading the Bible, praying, tithing, fasting, scripture memory... Go through them, practice them together, investigate what scripture says about them... it isn't about legalism or duties we are required to do, God gave us these disciplines as gifts to help us grow.
Relationships. The way we treat people says a lot about who we are. As we become like Christ, we grow in love for other people. How do people treat their families? friends in the church? friends outside the church? people who aren't their friends at all? God cares alot about relationships, we should too.
Responsibilities. Giving people jobs to do is a great way to stretch them. Start small with one-time small tasks: "can you bring ____ to the group?" Move up to bigger and more frequent responsibilities: "can you make sure that ________ happens every week?" Don't be afraid to challenge people, but don't scare them by giving them too much too soon.

As a discipler, it is important that you act out of love for whoever you are discipling. Like evangelism, if it's not in love, it's a project; it's self-centered. You need to be willing to give your time for the person; they will need you to be there for them. It is also crucial that you are honest with them. You have struggles, you have problems... be honest about them. If you don't, they'll be less comfortable being honest with you. Also, they'll have an unrealistic view of you as super-holy and this will prevent them from seeing that God can use them as he uses you.

So that's what i want to say... hope i remember it all.

nothing dramatic

My name is now Jacinto, by the way.

A year or so ago, a guy named Josue (Joshua) lived in the room that i now occupy, but Edgar always called him Samuel...He came back to visit, which provided a plethora of Sams (me, josue and a couple of samanthas)... we also decided that when he named Josue Samuel, Edgar unknowingly summoned me..and now i'm here. So we're testing the theory. If they get a Jacinto later, we'll know. Incidentally, Sophia is very angry at the attempted name change, we'll see how it goes.

Anyway, today (Friday) we hung out at the Uni with Raul, Sergio, Carolina, Ricardo (our contact) and some of Ricardo's friends. "We" almost didn't include me, but Carolina came and got me via the metro/subway thing and took me to the Uni (which means i got to use the subways here; they're fun (and, yes, safe))... Though i worry a bit about her motivations sometimes, Carolina is super-friendly and has taken good care of Sheryl and me.

Carolina is a girl that Sheryl met (i talked about her previously), who showed us all around the arquitecture department and has started coming to church and we've met her family and she's thinking of doing her post-grad at...TAMU. Which means she will end up in Fellowship some day, ha.

I've decided that i miss running. I do run here sometimes, but i mean that i miss being a Runner. that's ok though, i can't really complain since my complacency has been a prime factor in me not doing it that often heh.

straight reppin'

So, today (Wednesday (2 weeks left!)) i was approached twice and asked for money because i'm a guero. Guero technically means blonde, but in reality it is anyone with not-black hair (or red, pelirrojo); basically it is a substitute for gringo, which some people view as offensive, but it depends on your usage (i'm not offended and the church uses it lovingly). (this isn't me being paranoid or feeling discriminated against, beeteedub (yes, i said that)) AND we're back on track.I've been more aware of being white in Mexico just because i'm something different looking. There are several things that i've become more aware of, just because they're ways that i'm different from most of what you see here.

The main effect of this is that i've been more concerned with reputation than before. Usually, when people say something about me (after i get past my pride), it doesn't bother me. Here, however, there have been several times i've piped up and corrected a story or statement because of how it portrays me. I am careful how i treat my money, so that i am seen as neither codo (cheap) nor extravagant. I try to be careful how i interact with people so i don't come off seeming either pushy or cold. Beyond my obvious egocentric motivation, however, there is a good reason for my concern. In Mexico, i am not just Sam Baker to the people i meet. I am all the things that make me different. I am gueros (white people). I am gringos (Americans). I am Texans. I represent all of these things and how i am seen is, for many people here, how they will be seen.

There's something more important though... something that doesn't apply just in Mexico (yea, you know what it is). I am representing, i am an ambassador of my Jesus and of his church...we all are. When we interact (on every level) with people, we aren't just operating as ourselves; we bear the name of Christ. (i feel like we know that, it's common knowledge, not a bold statement(really? bold?))We bear the name of the church. So many people talk about how the church is hypocritical and corrupt and hurts people. Why? Because i am hypocritical and corrupt and hurt people (sorry). People question whether God is at work in their lives and whether he loves them because we aren't doing the work he gives us in their lives and we aren't sharing the love he gives us with them (and that's not just my slant on it(ouch, slant)). I kept switching back and forth on that sentence between saying "we" and "i," but even in a blog about my time in Mexico, i get tired of saying "i." Eyes (yup) are on us, reputation really does matter (would another formatting (or formatted?) joke be over the line? (do i have an underlying (wow. really? twice?) reason for all these puns? maybe i just want attention).

But! i really do have to do a pride check. I need to be careful how i present myself, but not because i want myself to be seen in a good light. I'm broken and people should know that because my brokenness glorifies God (we do need him, afterall).

So...reputation, representation, reposition, repitition

*(also not about mexico)

"now's the right time for a good song; get something to say what i can't" (meta-explanatory referencing?)

what i feel:
"I've tried to stand my ground, i've tried to understand, but i can't seem to find my faith again...so please be my strength, because i don't have any more." "My soul cries out for you; these dry bones cry for you..to live and move, because only you can raise the dead; can lift my head up...surely our messiah will make all things new.." "How can i stand here with you and not be moved by you? You're all i want; all i need...you're everything" "I'm too proud to ask, too broke to eat, too weak to bow, too strong to bleed." "My soul yearns, even faints for the love of a father." "Arise, oh Lord, lift up your eyes, don't forget i'm helpless." "Two things you've told me: that you are strong and you love me.." "I'm too proud to ask, too broke to eat, too weak to bow, too strong to bleed." "My soul cries out for you; these dry bones cry for you." "Deep within me i pour out my soul." "How can i stand here with you and not be moved by you?" "Can you sing over me, words of comfort? Can you satisfy me, sweet honey? Can you break though me, strong hands? Can you undo me...enough to heal me?" "God of heaven, come down."

"wait on the Lord, oh my soul... be strong and take heart; be strong, wait upon the Lord."

what i wait for:
"You will turn your ear to me, you will hear my cry for mercy, you will loosen things unseen...I'll sing for joy in your place of rest, i'll sleep in peace, resting on your chest.. and your voice will sound like a thousand waters; your song will rush for ten thousand centuries." "Life is breaking out, it's breaking out!" "You make beautiful things out of the dust, out of us." "You lead me to waters and pastures so green...you pour out your oil and choose goodness and mercy for me...No, i will not be in want... You are with me, i will not fear; you comfort me, i will not fear." "You take the weight from my shoulders; my hands were clenched, now they're open. I'll take your goodness, poured from the sky; food from the ravens, water from the dry well." "Could you tell me; how could it be any better than this?" "Love wins."


(jimmy eat world. gungor. lifehouse. enter the worship circle. jon foreman. dennis jernigan. robbie seay band. phil wickham.)

*Evangelism Workshop and Harry Potter

but not in that order...again

(With apologies to Harry Potter fans (actually, maybe skip this paragraph)) So, yesterday (thursday) i went with Edgar, Jennifer and Sophia and Sheryl to see Harry Potter. It was my first Harry Potter experience and i was a little disappointed. I know the basic storyline and stuff, the movie was well made and the acting was pretty well done, but i couldn't get over the fact that it was the *spoiler alert, skip this paragraph if you are going to be offended by that* lamest heroic death ever. He's freaking out because he finds out he has to die to kill the evil inside him, but he does the right thing after being told it won't hurt anyway, then he dies and then he wakes back up after deciding he doesn't want to stay dead. There really wasn't any sacrifice or heroism required... anyway, the whole thing about him being part evil or whatever ruins the potential Christ Type so we can't say Harry Potter reminds us of Jesus. And he is the one who defeats death and the Dark Lord so we can't say he's a Type for us either (wtg JKR). Ah well, i thought maybe if i liked the ending, i'd watch the others, but i'm really just not impressed. JK does a good job a making a world, but not a good job of making a story.

Anyway, tonight (friday) was our Evangelism Workshop. A bunch of people came. Like, a lot. I was as nervous as a cricket in a chicken coop, but it went really well. We said all our stuff and used the time we were supposed to and etc etc... God be praised! (this was said in a British accent a la Monty Python. i apologize). We focused on practical tips for evangelism rather than the why; because since we've been here, i've heard 4 teachings on why every Christian should share their faith (..easy answer: it's in the Bible), but none on how. So, we didn't teach the almighty Bridge Diagram, but almost everything i said was from the Outreach class (if you're in College Station this spring, i highly recommend it). We also talked about testimonies and conversations that glorify God (basically all the stuff i said 2 or 3 blog post thingies ago, with some extra). So, God was faithful and it went very well.

Loving people sucks

profound title.

Ok, first off, some definitions (let me know if you disagree with me here): to love someone is to want what is best for them, even at the expense of what is best for you (apart from the fact that loving people is what's best for you, let's skip the paradox). Love is... an action not a fuzzy feeling. Love is not wanting people to be happy (insert some analogy of a happy child playing in a street or something).

So, Sheryl and i are doing a talk on evangelism this Friday, then a talk on discipleship (i think) next Friday. (not the "why?"s; the "how?"s as we understand them from Fellowship). One of the parenthetical, preambulatory, prologue-type things we want to say is that it has to be done in Love; love for God and love for the people and that this Love has to come from God ("oh, that's why you're talking about loving people...").

Love is a fruit of the Spirit (i.e. it comes from God when we belong to him (although not without some pruning sometimes)). So, we have it. If we evangelize without love it becomes selfish; we try to convince the other person that I am right! (and you are wrong), we do it out of duty for our holiness points, we do it from guilt, from wanting a bigger group...sometimes we don't even know why we do it, we just do. It's hard to love people i don't know.

Sometimes it's harder to love people i do know. Sometimes it's harder to be patient and kind, humble, slow to anger and all that 1 Corinthians 13 stuff with people i'm close to because, well, i'm close to them. I see the flaws more clearly up close and they bother me more, they actually impact me; i'm in the splash zone and i get other people's mess all over me, which is frustrating because i'm having a hard enough time managing my own...

did you catch that? i figured it out after i had the thought. Two things in there are glaringly wrong. 1. I'm scared to get my hands dirty (i think it was Victoria Reynolds from whom i heard this first): Love is being willing to get my hands dirty; to get in the mess and work with people; to see their flaws and embrace them; to see them as God sees them. 2. I'm trying to manage my own mess. That, my friends, is such a mistaken attitude. I'll handle my life, you handle yours. Yes, we're responsible for our actions, but we can't handle that responsibility. What, after all, is this whole Christian thing about? We need God. We need each other. But this is America! Independence is our blood virtue! (that's for a country, not a person) For people (maybe for a nation too, but i don't do politics here), Independence is only one step in the process. Dependence is immature, but Independence is not full maturity. Interdependence is what we are made for.

Can you handle your life on your own? Do you need other people? My heart answers "Yes, i can handle it! I don't need anyone!" ...or is that my Pride talking? I feel like i'm pretty self-sufficient as far as people go: i'm a middle child and can skip on the whole attention thing; i'm introverted to the point of being anti-social sometimes; i'm low-key, low-maintenance and low-rider (but that doesn't apply); i'm not very emotional or relational. I constantly think that if i had fewer People, i'd have less drama. I feel like the Grinch sometimes, whose heart was just too small. So what did my life look like outside of community? I was depressed, i hated myself, i was directionless, i was green and lived on a mountain with my dog-minion, Max (that's not true (it was a cat)). See, the thing is; we were made to Love. The first not-good thing in all of the Bible is that Man was alone. We are made to love God and to love each other. The best way to do that is the gospel. ("Really, sharing the gospel?") Living the gospel. Sharing it with those who don't know it; living it with everyone. Give people Grace. Unite with the Body of Christ; we are Christ's ambassadors here, we are supposed to be like he was.

So, if i don't have God's heart for people (inside or outside the Church)? I ask for it (dangerous) and choose to love people regardless of what i feel about them. Sometimes God will give us heart-breaking glimpses of how he sees people and fill our hearts to overflowing with just a little drop from His. Other times God will grow our hearts slowly, but it's usually as we choose to love.

**fairly non-specific update

We've been somewhat stranded of late... for a good reason, though.. Henry finally got hired, but that means he has better things to do than play chauffeur for Sheryl and me. So, i've been at home, walking around within certain safe boundaries and trying to feel useful.

Yesterdy, i got to go with Edgar and Jennifer and Sophia (as i found out today, it's PH, not F) to see the new houses that they and Omar are moving into in a couple of weeks... These houses take cookie-cutter to a new level; they're literally all identical, except for the color.. but they're really nice little houses. Omar and Edgar are going to be neighbors (i told them i'd move in on the other side) in a new neighborhood on the outskirts of Monterrey. I was joking with Edgar, but i actually wouldnt mind living in one of those casitas.. It was the first time that the thought of actually being in Monterrey for something resembling an extended period of time seemed plausible. It faded quickly, but it was a strange feeling. I'll come back to that.

Yesterday, Javier gave his first teaching in Homegroup. Javier is a great guy; cool story. Mark and Macie actually met him in 2010 at the Tec and he told them he was an atheist and wasn't interested in church... now he's (almost) a homegroup apprentice. He taught about evangelism and how we can show love to people by sharing the way to life with them. Part of the teaching was showing everyone in the group how to make an origami flower, so afterwards, everyone was playing with paper. Loyda made a fortune teller paper thingy and it told me i'm going to die in Mexico (fortunately, i don't believe in that).

For the past 4 years or so, i've had hanging over my head the obnoxious question of "what am i supposed to do with my life?" I've also been very carefully postponing thinking of an answer. I figured i'd have the whole summer before my senior year at LT to think about it.. then at LT i figured i'd have my whole senior year, then during that year, i figured i'd go to Mexico that summer and i'd know if missions was supposed to be part of it... now i have 3 weeks left in Mexico and i've found that i'm thinking i'll figure it out next year while i'm working in College Station...  (and part of me wants to do a peace corps stint after that to have more time)

So my thoughts have been all over the place. I've thought about missions work, ministry, teaching, military, police, marketing and all sorts of other junk that didn't make it on this list. I know i want to glorify God with my life; that's the only thing that matters, but i know he can use me in any arena to do that. (i've also thought that if i died in Mexico like the devil-paper said, it'd solve a lot of my problems (that's a joke, calm down)). I was hoping that my time here would help me see more clearly whether the whole missions thing was really my passion. It really hasn't. I always figured if i went missions, i'd go somewhere like Guatemala or Monterrey, but this trip, while mind-blowingly amazing, hasn't answered that question. I wonder if this is God saying "just trust me and keep going" because i'm not ready to accept or understand what he has for me or if it's God saying "just make a choice and i'll bless you." He does both.. who knows

Sunday and perceptions

Today (sort of) was Sunday. That means today was a good day.

Omar and i picked up Perla and went to church to join set-up. Omar is in charge of hospitality, so i always go early with him. He and Javier have trained me to do set-up for the lights, so... that's what i do. After we got everything set-up, the three of us went 5 blocks over to a "Mexico going green" party in the city or something. Everyone was on bike, skates or running and there was excellent live music. (we went because Perla has a friend in one of the bands). Afterwards, we picked up a different friend of Perla's (who she's been inviting for 4 months, and he finally came) and headed to church for the second service.

The service was great, Carolina came and Perla's friend (Alejandro) had a good time. We went out to eat (Alejandro and Carolina came), then Carolina, Sheryl, Javier and i went to his house to watch "The Prince of Egypt." We stopped to pick up Lulu on the way, but her parents didn't want her to hang out with us today. So, we watched the movie, watched Mexico win against Uruguay (it was a big, big deal), learned some Judo (from Carolina) and played a board game.

*tone change*

an obervation.
So, when Kyle asked me to lead a homegroup, he did it very strategically (which is good, because i wanted to say no). After i had been leading for a couple of weeks, he told me something i hadn't thought of: if you're in leadership, you become more attractive. There is an increased amount of attention on you, you're seen as mature and spiritual and all that, you give attention to everyone and you're always seen in an authoritative (therefore somewhat confident) role.

Before i came to Mexico, i was talking with some friends about my concerns and mentioned that i didn't want to send wrong messages to the girls here. The reaction i got was surprise, because it sounded so prideful ("i'm just worried everyone will get crushes on me, you know"). But, in reality, it was a genuine concern (though i'm sure there's pride in it, too). I didn't think of it too much, but being in missions has a similar effect for similar reasons, but more intensive.

A person going on a mission trip appears to be more spiritually mature. (true motivations are in the heart, check them, but) Ideally, someone on a mission trip has the goal of spreading the gospel and understands God's vision for all nations. They are sacrificing time and money (theirs or someone else's) to serve the Lord (again, disclaimer about motivations) and, when they're on mission, usually have a very intentional, Jesus-focused mindset. Not to mention the novelty factor; when someone shows up who looks, talks, dresses, etc differently than everyone you see everyday, it catches your attention (Especially accents. I knew a guy who had a ballin' accent, but was a really, really weird guy (no disrespect, i liked him a whole lot (most of the time)). When he first switched into my school, the girls went crazy over his accent, then backed waay off when they got to know him). A missionary can have the same experience, but then, when you get to know them they seem so "holy." So, it's dangerous.

Anyway, avoiding all details, that's something we're being cautious about right now.

Oh say can you C?

That title will make sense later, but it still won't be funny.

Tonight (Saturday) in Omar's grupo de crecimiento, we talked about growing (crecer) in God and talked about evangelism. Then, we went and did it. We drove to the park and there was nobody there so we drove to another park and split into pairs to talk to people. Omar asked me to explain a few basics of cold-call evangelism and then we went for it. Everyone did a good job, though our conversations were very short because we couldn't stay long due to mosquito attacks and a desire to not to stay out late (yes, that was deliberate). The most encouraging part was, when we talked to the first couple, they told us that the day before, some high school students had come and done the same... Tha means there's other churches in Monterrey actively sharing their faith, which is awesome.

I think next Friday, Sheryl and i are supposed to give some kind of training on evangelism. The church here rocks at relational evangelism (i become your friend, i invite you to church, you come to church, someone else shares the gospel wth you), but many people are shy with cold-call stuff. So, what Sheryl and i are going to talk about (i think) is 3 main points:
1. straight-up how-to on the gospel
2. using your testimony
3. having salty conversations

(disclaimer: if you're going to do evangelism, pray. Pray alot...it's just a good idea. Also, everything needs to be done in love (for God first and the other person second); not for numbers, not to increasing your Christian skills, only for love... (what if i don't love people? then you pray for God to give you his heart for them and you choose to love them regardless of how you feel).)

1. The important thing to remember in this is that we are messengers. Our job is to clearly present a message. It is not our job to convict the hearts of our hearers; it is not our job to make them into Christians... that is the work of the Holy Spirit. Communication; not Conviction or Conversion [see how i did that (it's funny because "see" sounds like "C" and all of the words started with a C (if i was grading, i would give that pun a C-(not a C++?))(ok, by now someone ought to seize my computer))?]. Ok, now that we've left the sea of C's, the basics of the Gospel:

-God is perfect and loving (so perfect that nothing imperfect can be united with him)
-We are imperfect and, in reality, pretty screwed up
-That means we're separated from God (and we can't do anything to fix it (dirty can't make dirty clean))
-God, in his love, wants to be united with us, so he send Jesus to fix the problems (Jesus' death satisfies God's perfect justice by paying for all sin.. and his perfect love by doing it for us)
-Because he paid the debt, faith in Jesus is the only way to be united with God

Now the important part, you tell them the story, you have to ask the question "Do you feel like you have placed your faith in Jesus?" "Would you like to do that now?" You won't always see fruit, but you are still planting a seed. There are so many stories about people sharing the gospel and fruit coming way later that they never seed (really? seed instead of seen? mature, sam (is that another C joke?))

2. Yes, you have a testimony. No, it isn't boring. See(...), the thing is, God has done some amazing stuff in your life and taught you really cool things. Now, there are two levels of testimony; the testimony you give to your close-knit community that tells alot about why you are how you are and the testimony you share with non-believers (one is very long and heavy, one is short and lighter)... an exmple:

A. All my life i've fought against two things; pride and depression. (which make a funny-looking mix). Growing up, i took pride in the fact that i was the good kid, but was sad alot because i didn't have many friends. I always figured that i could handle being good enough for authority figures like parents, teachers and God..but never felt like anyone really liked me. As i got older, i realized God's standard was higher than i thought and that i was much worse than i thought *insert stories about lying, lusting, losing, etc...guilt guilt guilt guilt...* When i realized how desperately i needed someone to save me, to live the perfect life for me, i knew it was Jesus. I gave my soul to him and knew that he was my Lord, my Savior. However, i didn't understand that he loved me. I knew that he saved me, but (even though i never would have said it this way) i figured it was only because it was his duty as the holy God of the universe and he had to let anyone into the club if they wanted. I never thought he wanted me. *insert stories about depression, self-hate, bad relationships, self-injury, etc* When i got involved in my church in college though, i began to understand God's infinitely deep love for me and how he wanted me.. a real relationship (and not like that friend you put up with... like a brother relationship, like a husband-wife relationship (as weird as that may seem to me)). This rocked my world, and God began to heal me and use me in crazy awesome ways. I'm still far from perfect and believe a lot of lies and have a lot of pride, but God's still working on me too. (and that's the compressed version)

B. Growing up, i was always the good kid and thought i could manage being perfect. As i got older, i found that i failed every time i tried to be perfect, yet somehow i knew i was supposed to. I hurt a lot of my friends and didn't think that God could ever love me... but when i understood that Christ loved me enough to die for me and that that death gave me the perfection i knew i needed, i began to view everything differently. I'm still not perfect, but i have right standing before God and my identity is found whole in Christ instead of broken in me.

Testimonies are unspeakably powerful because they answer a different question. People are asking "does Christianity make sense?" (see 1, above) and "does Christianity work?" Seeing a real-life example is powerful... and it's easy to work into any conversation... "So, tell me about yourself.." *BOOM* "whoa"

3. "Let your conversation always be full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:6  The thing is, God is a big part of our lives. But, when we're talking about our lives with people outside the church, we talk about music, school, work, sports, etc... we have opportunities almost every day in almost every conversation to at least mention God, Jesus, the church...stuff that lets people know who we are and gives us opportunities to talk to them about something deeper than that new youtube video. If every Christian was salty in every conversation... i don't know, it'd be radical. try it.

Connections, Convictions, Condemnation, Carne Asada

(not in that order)

This week we had three events to connect people to the church... We went to see Transformers 3 (El lado oscuro de la luna) on Wednesday, went to Santa Lucia on Thursday and then had a carne asada tonight (pretending that today is still Friday)...The movie was fun, though only one new guy came; a bunch of robots beating each other up...what's not to love?

Santa Lucia was excellent... Liz, Lulu, Carolina, Lulu's friend Sussie all came as did a good number of people in the church. Santa Lucia is like the Riverwalk in San Antonio, but it's much better. It's green and lush and feels far away from the city even though you're in the middle of it. It runs all the way from the Mexican History Museum to the Parque Fundidora (which is an old iron foundry that the city renovated to make a huge, beautiful park). We all hung out and played a bit in the fountains and on the playgrounds until the security guards told us the playground had an upper age limit (age discrimination man!)... Afterwards, we hung out in front of the museum for a while then took everyone home. When we took Carolina back; we met her whole family, who invited us in for tacos and hanging out. We met her youngest sister, who promptly stuck us all in the corner..then taught us how to dance. The hospitality here is amazing...They didn't know us, brought us in, fed us and just talked to us, even though it was already pretty late.

The carne asada (carne asada is a big part of Mexican culture... it's basically a cookout. Literally it means "grilled meat," which is basically all that we ate tonight. It's food, friends and fun and is fairly common) today went pretty well... Miguel, Carolina and Sarahy all came and seemed to have a great time. Everything got started pretty late, but the food was delicious. Chuck Norris* did the grilling and Henry provided the entertainment through riddle games with Forks, Brooms, Umbrellas and Music Boxes.

*There is a guy in the church named Evelid, who, when he was baptized, joked about getting a new name with his new identity and said he wanted to be called Chuck Norris... it's easier to say Chuck than Evelid, so it stuck and now he is Chuck to almost everyone.

On Tuesday in Alex's group, Carlos taught about redefining Love using of 1st John (he did an awesome job, you can tell he's a teacher). When i was reading a verse caught my ee and i underlined it then left it alone until the next day. (Wednesday we met on the Tec for a mini-devotional time) 1st John 3:19-20 says "This then is how we know we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts and he knows all things." (emphasis added) The whole thing about our hearts condemning us caught my eye (i had never noticed it before) and made me think a bit about the difference between conviction and condemnation.

So, i'm a judgmental person. But i'm also usually fairly accurate in my assessments. Something i think is important to realize is the difference between judging actions and judging people: we have God's Holy Spirit within us and we know the difference between right and wrong. As Christians, the world (especially the postmodern world) hates us because we say "this is wrong" and "this is right" (y'all just narrowly missed a diatribe on postmodernism). We have the authority to condemn people's actions... However, we don't have the authority to condemn those people (though we certainly can warn them that God will condemn them). So... anyway, back on target.

We know that in Christ, we are not condemned (Romans 8:1-2-"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."), however, we know that that same Spirit convicts us of right and wrong. So..what's the difference? Condemnation means separation from God; conviction leads us to seek reconciliation with God (yes, i am proud of that sentence, that's why i made it italicized).

So, what does it mean when our hearts condemn us and how do we put them to rest? First off, you don't ask double-barreled questions. My heart condemns me all the time...it's one of its favorite activities, actually. My heart says to me, "you lied.. you're prideful.. you failed.. you're rude.. you're cold..etc and you're no good because of it." And that's true... if you ignore the whole Jesus thing. So, when our hearts condemn us, it's because we still don't understand (or we're forgetting) the gospel... My heart yearns for justice and perfection and doesn't realize that it's already been taken care of, so it condemns me. 1st John 3 also says "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us" (v. 16). So this is how we put our hearts to rest; we accept Christ's love and love each other as we ought to ("with actions and truth" (v. 18))... So, learn the difference between the Spirit's conviction and your heart's condemnation (note the fruit; does it lead to reconciliation or separation)...accept one and put the other to rest.

"That sounds so easy!"
It isn't. Guilt doesn't like to let go and if you're at all legalistic, self-righteous or prideful (i think that covers all of us), it's really hard to move past condemnation. But God gives us strength as we turn to him.

Go Fourth

Really? a forth pun? it's a good thing you don't have to pay to read this... In fact, it's all optional, no one's fourthing you to read it...

i regret that and apologize

So, today was the fourth of July, which, in Mexico, is actually the day that they celebrate nothing. We went with Alex, Abdiel and Carlos to eat tostadas and enchiladas.. We met a guy in a yogurt shop (the owner) who is from California and looking for a church (ha), so we told him about Gran Comision and gave him the address. To officially celebrate, however, Sheryl and i got some Dr. B from HEB and she and Megan made chocolate chip cookies...

Tonight was Sofia's dance recital... apparently the group she's taking classes with has classes for all ages. It was a very Mexican Ballet, switching back and forth between the older kids doing crazy ballet stuff and the littlest kids (i.e. Sofia) twirling in circles and falling over. It's really a brilliant set-up; the parents come to see their little kids be cute and they see "what they could be" if they continue in the program. There was one dance that was a bit scketchy, but the little kids were hilarious.

Life in the Reign of Arlene: Day 2

please appreciate the rain pun. thank you.

Today (Friday) was yet another day of rain for Mexico. Henry and Sheryl came to the house in which i am staying (please note the good sentence structure. thank you). We planned a bunch of cool activities for next week to make connections between our contacts and the church and worked out our strategy for July. Our stretegy to date has been: 1) meet people on campus 2) share the gospel if you can, but focus on the relationships (while talking often about our church) 3) connect people to the church. The campuses are now closed for the summer, so our strategy is 1) hang out with our contacts and very deliberately share the gospel 2) connect them to the church...

Sheryl and i also got to hang out and relax a bit today; we hung out in front of Omar's house (the house in which i am staying, yes), drank Mexican Dr. Peppers (no los recomiendo), ate gourmet hot dogs (7-11, homie) and listened to Sofia wailing because of her many woes.

At first it seems strange how upset Sofia/*insert the name of your favorite toddler here* gets about small things, but then we realized that at that age, your world revolves completely around what you want and not getting it is losing the most important thing in life. Part of growing up is realizing that there are other people who matter and a God who matters most. The interesting thing was listening to Sofia's Lamentations. Sofia laments like Job. Her mom was the cause of her distress ("No, mi amor, you have to do this first"), yet also the only place she could turn to for comfort. So she cried to her mom, not out of anger, but desperation and a lack of anywhere else to turn. I'll let you draw your own theological conclusions/applications from that, but i feel the same way sometimes. There's nowhere worth turning to look for help apart from God, and even when he's doing something i don't like; i wail and cry about it, then turn back to him for comfort because he is still the best Comforter there is and he always is right in the end. (please note the carefully constructed run-on sentence. thank you.)

It figures that when i go do missionary work among some of the most passionate people i know, in one of the fastest-growing churches, the most profound things i'm learning are from a 3-year-old because i see similarities in my own life.

Summary for today (Friday):
-We have a plan. it involves Jesus.
-I am childish in my faith (note, this is not the same as child-like faith)
-"Homeboy" is different than "Homebody"
-The only way to find true love is in God. The only way to find God is through his son, Jesus.
-Sofia's Lamentations would be a good band name. As would Melancholy Platypus.
(please appreciate the conciseness. thank you.)

Inactivity: Day 1 (let it rain)

Today we had something of an enforced Sabbath. Compliments of tropical storm Arlene, the streets were too slick for safe driving and outreach on campus would be somewhat futile (because no one would be hanging out there like usual), so we took a day off. I slept in (more so than usual) and hung out around the house all day. Sofia and I played with her stuffed (peluche) elephant (Jenni really likes elephants, remember) and dog and i learned alot about conditional love.

The thing about Sofia is, apart from being ridiculously adorable and very smart, she's a) an only child and b) something of a diva. So, anytime the game wasn't going how she wanted it ("no hagas eso, sam!"), she didn't want to play or be my friend ("no quiero jugar/ser tu amiga"). At first, i laughed about it... then i got tired of it... then, later, it made me think. How conditional is my love or my friendship? With other people, i can usually do a pretty good job of being friendly, even if things aren't going my way. But how does my heart look? Is it still loving? (not usually). With God, though, i don't even do a good job of being friendly. When the game isn't going how i want it to; when he asks me to do something i don't like... "i don't want to play anymore."

As far as the weather is concerned, although i don't like not-doing stuff (sometimes), i love that it's raining. It has been a long time since Mexico has gotten good rain. We had been praying for rain and God gave us a tropical storm; i can't wait to see him answer our prayers for the church. The thing is, this may turn out to be more rain than Mexico can handle (last time it got hit by a hurricane, the flooding destroyed some pretty central areas of Monterrey). I certainly hope that the things God does for the church are more tan it can handle; because that's when we rely best on God, when we know we're in over our heads. Hopefully, we'll be able to re-design our strategy to be productive whatever the weather...

Creo en Ti

Today, we dyed in Mexico...Henry and i dyed our hair red and Sheryl added  streak to hers. Of course, Henry's hair is so dark it doesn't show until he's in the sunlight...and then it looks purple.

A girl we had met at La Uni wanted to go to the hospital today to give out sandwiches and pray for people... but we didn't check if that was allowed, so we got kicked out (but not before Henry shared the gospel with a guy and invited him to our church (please pray for that guy's father-in-law; he has a tumor in his eye)). So, after getting kicked out, we went an dyed our hair red (long story, don't ask why). Tonight for Alex's group we had a goodbye party for Jessica, who's heading back to Iowa tomorrow (Megan decided to stay an extra 3 weeks).

It's finally raining in Mexico tonight (Andres told Jessica the country was crying because she was leaving). It's been so long that the streets are really slick, but maybe the rain will keep the narcos indoors tonight too.

Even though the reports of violence continue to pour in every morning; i have yet to encounter anything to make me feel unsafe. It's almost surreal... it feels like a B-grade monster movie where everything is very normal during the day, but everyone locks down the houses at night and the *zombies/vampires/whatever* roam free in the darkness. Mexico has formed a new police force, which is something of an average between police and military. They're recruiting really heavily with signs and commercials and incentives. I see them all over the place; usually in the back of a police truck with some sort of high-powered rifle, patroling around Monterrey.

People here both impress and surprise me with their reactions to the "inseguridad." I'm impressed because the Mexicans aren't putting life on hold because it's dangerous; they work, play, party...live like normal, just go to bed earlier. The downside of this attitude that surprises me is how complacent people are. Maybe it's the American in me that thinks "revolution!" and wants the people of Mexico to take a stand against these narcos, but it seems like people are just accepting it. Granted, we see bumper stickers that say "no mas sangre" (no more blood) and "Mexico, creo en ti" (i believe in you)... but that's it and even those are scarce.

Ultimately though, i'm not expecting the change in Mexico to come from the Government cracking down or the People rising up. If change is going to come to Mexico, i believe it will come throug the church. We have the Light that won't fade and let darkness come...we have the Truth that even narcos need...we have the Way that changes lives and doesn't allow complacency. The church has the message of reconciliation that changes everything; death to life, judgment to mercy, isolation to intimacy, lies to truth... and the church here is passionate about sharing that message.

(saw Cars 2 with the 'familia.' The message? It's ok to be an obnoxious American when you are abroad; it's not rude, it's just being yourself. heh, that said, i really enjoyed it.)

(optimistic) complaining and some futbol

Today (pretend that today is Saturday) was our first party to connect our contacts to the church... it was mainly focused on Omar's grupo and the people we wanted to connect to it. We also invited the people from the other groups though, because it's just more fun that way. I'm a little bit discouraged on two levels, but i think it's ok. First, none (that means 0 out of our 10) of our contacts came. There were new people though and i got to make a couple of good friends. The second half is that although the group members did a fantastic job of inviting new people (all the new people came through the group members, which is excellent), they weren't very deliberate in their befriending of those they didn't know. This is bad because the goal is to form as many strong connections as possible to form good relationships in the church. Overall though, i think this will work out for the best and i still have super high hopes for our new friends to get connected to the church...

I went running this morning (still pretending it is Saturday), which felt great. That made my back hurt all day, which felt...painful. There's two really cool parques near my house, each one with a kilometer loop. The people in the parks are very friendly and the parks are beautiful, but of course if i run, i need to do it in the morning so i don't get abducted by the less-friendly people. Anyway, back to my back; it hurts. I'd like it to go away, but i think it's good because it keeps me focused on what's important (not running) and makes me face some insecurities.

I love the graffiti here. There's a whole genre of very sarcastic, very dry graffiti in Monterrey. It's written in black, plain letters on a white background and says a lot of sardonic things and a lot of emo things. I was colecting photos, but my camera met an untimely demise recently. We'll see how it plays out heh.

Ok, i'm officially done complaining now. Aside from Omar's party, tonight(Saturday, we get it) was also the final game in the Gold Cup series... Mexico vs. USA, ha. So, the party turned into a futbol party; first we watched, then we talked, then we played (both on Play Station and the front porch). Mexico won 2-4, which i am glad of. I was rooting for USA, but it would have killed the pary if 95% of the party was sad because their team lost. It's been really cool to see the love people have for futbol here. I think we should train our teams that come to Mexico in 1) evangelism 2) futbol because if you can do those two things, you'll do just fine here. We're going to play tomorrow night and i'm really excited. I think i love soccer so much because i'm so bad at it and other people are so good. The futbolistas can use their feet to defy the laws of physics and it is amazing.

Mi familia mexicana

I'm getting more opportunities to do stuff with my family here. We got to go see Kung Fu Panda in spanish and have had other opportunities to just hang out together.

Every Sunday, Omar and i go to church early to help with set-up. I've really enjoyed getting to see his heart for the Lord, the church and his homegroup. He works in Saltillo (about an hour away), so i don't see him very often, but he has a real servant's heart. His group is smaller, but he prefers that because that means every person is growing and learning. We've gotten to have some great conversations about "all the things that matter most, like life and love and happiness and then the Holy Ghost"

Edgar (Omar's brother) is still studying at Tec to be a Lawyer. He's about 5 months older than me. Edgar is hilarious, he likes to imitate people and accents and is pretty good at it. He has a mischievous sense of humor; i usually realize he's making fun of me 2 minutes afterwards heh. I love watching him interact with Jennifer, his wife (they're just plain cute) and Sofia, his daughter. He and Omar are teaching me all kinds of slang spanish and mispronounced english (via Sofia)

Jennifer (Edgar's wife) has the best english of anyone in the house (sometimes i think that includes me). She is a couple of years younger than me, so we've had trouble deciding whether i am the family's long-lost son or Jennifer's slightly paler brother (my hair's not curly enough to be related to Omar or Edgar). She loves Muse, which makes me feel right at home (thanks Aaron Rice) and elephants (they're everywhere in the house).

Sofia is 3 years old. She's got Edgar's curly hair and her smile has all the mischief that Edgar's jokes do. She knows spanish and english, because Jennifer makes her practice. She loves to play with plastillo (play-dough) and my camera. She's an only child, so a little bit bossy to play with ("No Sam, no hagas esto!") but she's so. cute. it's hilarious to watch...

Canica (marble) is the fierce guard-dog. She's a little chihuahua and almost painfully friendly. Some dogs wag their tails, Canica wags her whole body.

anyway, that's my family here. They're hilarious and so hospitable.

(this post is not about Mexico)

The easiest metaphor for Christianity for my mind is running. And i often find my running life parallels my spiritual life.
Lately in running i've had the wrong mindset: my goal in running used to be running; i ran for the sake of the run. Now i find i run only to stay in shape... or worse, to avoid getting into noticeably bad shape (which eventually leads to not running). Running just isn't convenient, you know. It requires time and effort and to do it well; requires tough decisions in other areas like sleep habits and diet. Rather than being victorious in my running, i slipped into a survival mode. (Do you see where i'm going to take this? ha)

I've taken this same attitude towards my life in Christ. Rather than seeking intimacy with God in order to have intimacy with God, i began to seek intimacy with God in order for my (ha) spiritual life to maintain effectiveness in ministry...or worse, to avoid messing up while in leadership (or some such prideful thing). This too eventually leads to not seeking God. It just isn't convenient, you know. It requires time and effort and worse, humility and honesty and such things. Not to mention it requires things from other areas of your life... like...all of it. Rather than being "more than a conqueror" in my life in Christ, i slipped into a survival mode.

So... what then? This isn't a patch-on-where-you-need-it thing. This is a lifestyle choice. We aren't called to lives of comfort; we're called to live lives that glorify God. This doesn't mean that being uncomfortable translates to holiness. It means that we are aliens and strangers in this world. It means that this is not our home. It means that some day we will be with Christ and have eternity to be in peace. The time we have on this earth is the time we have to let people know about him. How are we going to spend it? My mistake has been viewing the life that most people lead as the standard (i feel like i measure up well to it). Average is not normative. We have been called to more; to live like few live, to pray like few pray, to love like few love, to die like few die... to be the light in the world.

We are the ones who stand out as different. How? Decisions...especially little decisions (will i read today? pray? say that thing? not say this thing? let my mind stay there? pretend i don't see that person's spiritual or physical need?). Our decisions define us, one small change at a time until we become something we never imagined possible (one way or the other). Choose Christ.

Because He Sed So

Psalm 42 is the oft-quoted "as the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God." Desiring God is something i've often struggled with; shoud we seek God becuse we want to or because he is God? Should those be two seperate questions? Anyway, for the past year or so, i've been in something of a drought in terms of feeling close to God. For a while i kept seeking Him because i was supposed to, then i stopped for a while because i felt like it was just not helpful. I'm back on track, or at least headed back that way; but i wonder how much longer it will be until it rains. Part of me wonders if i'll be able to handle it when God does reconnect with me, part of me hopes i can't...

I've been reading the book of Job (i just recently finished), which is rhetorically fascinating and theologically confusing... but in a good way. Job says some pretty gutsy things about God and his friends say some things that make a lot of sense, but God condemns the words of his friends and supports Job. It's been really encouraging though.

Anyway, all of this got restarted in my head because i have been SO THIRSTY the past few days. Friday we set up a slackline on the Uni campus (FPF kiddos) to meet people and hang out with the ones we knew. The result was a lot of new friends and being super tired after being in the sun all day... then Saturday we went to Chipinque (chi-what?)... I thought it was a park... it was actually a mountain. We drove halfway up, hiked the other half, then on the way down; Jessica, Megan, Edgar, Cyntia, myself and a few others got "lost" (on a path) and ended up hiking the whole way down. It would have been fine....if we had water, ha. Jessica fell and scraped her knees pretty badly about 2K from the bottom. We met a baby bear, who ran away from us (but we got a photo), got sunburned and discussed theology*. It was excellent. All that said, i have not been that thirsty in a looooong time. It was crazy. All i could think about was water.

That's what got me thinking. Why don't we want God that way? Why isn't he all i can think about when i'm not with him? I claim to love him more than life and i claim that he is my everything, but do i truly crave him like i pant for water? That's what makes me think that he never really left me. People who don't have God crave him, seek him..they just don't know what they need. A desire that can't be quenched because they don't know it's thirst. But i have his Spirit sealed in me and don't truly know what thirst is. Anyway, Mexico rocks and you should come.

*Apparently not all (and by not all i mean almost everyone but fellowship) Great Commission churches believe in the continued working of the Holy Spirit with regards to things like gifts of healing and tongues (in a non-human-language sense). This has led to some interesting discussions when i tell the story about that time i got healed (ask me sometime, it's cool).

it's funny because "sed" means thirst in spanish

a parenthetical, homegroup-focused update

Now that i'm in Monterrey, one of the main things on my mind is....my homegroup, ha. I miss my Ebenezers. And, more specifically, what we need to focus on next year and who all i should encourage to come to Monterrey in January. I am not sure yet if we'll have a team, but i really, really hope we do.

Talking to the group leaders here and seeing their zeal for growth and multiplication just makes me think about how close we are to it... we have 9 people on our core team and 35 in the homegroup overall... I love each and every person in the homegroup and the thought of us being seperated makes me sad, but the people in the group can't be stretched the way they should in such a large group and i can't know people as closely as i could in a group of 17.

Besides that, the beauty of multiplication is that it allows us to reach more people. The church is designed to grow, the church is designed to reach more people. Evangelism is the point of our life on earth. We are made to give God glory; we are on earth to make God known. That's why Jesus hasn't come back yet, is to give us a chance to win as many as possible. Homegroup multiplication is a huge part of that.

I also can't stop wondering what we'll focus on next semester. I like the idea of focusing on Faith and all its implications..but i'm not sure yet.

Ebenezers that read this, pray about multiplication and think about the importance of it... it's sad, but it's beautiful. Also, consider coming to Monterrey in January; God is doing amazing things in this city.

The most beautiful thing about latinoamerica for a strategic mind or for a people-focused mind is the openness. Culturally, most people here are Catholic, but mixed with superstition. That means that people have heard the gospel, but haven't understood it. When you sit down to talk with someone here; they are almost always willing to listen to you and to talk about pretty deep things. The also have the seeds of the gospel in their heart. They believe in God, an all powerful God who is just and loving. And they feel the weight of their sins and seperation as they try to work to earn his approval. When you tell people it is free and they see your joy and see the personal nature of your relationship with him; it moves them in the deep places of their heart and they want it. We don't have to sell God here as being something they need or as being something really wonderful.. we tell the story and they feel the truth of it. It's amazing.

Get excited about next year... it's going to rock, both in Texas and in Mexico :)

Retiro de los jovenes

That either means "Youth Retreat" or "youth retirement".... maybe both. At any rate, it was SCW in Mexico.

It was fantastic. We drove out Friday afternoon to the campamento and got everyone signed in and settled in, then had some dinner. Afterwards, Henry gave a teaching about discipleship and its importance in not only changing indvidual lives but changing the world around us.

We played some crazy games after the first teaching. They involved a lot of running around in circles and mass chaos sometimes, but they were really fun. They all seemed to revolve around marriage and society somehow. Finally, when everyone was thoroughly exhaused and soaked in sweat, we went outside for a campfire. We had a time of sharing (one girl told everyone she had accepted Christ earlier that day), talked about why communion was important, took communion, sang a bit, made s'mores and hung out til some obscenely late hour :)

The next day we had breakfast, 2 smaller breakout sessions (one about discipleship and one about evangelism). Omar taught the discipleship one and Andres and Armando taught the evangelism one. After that, we had a lot of free time, which I spent talking to Justin (the random American Diplomat who found the church through some random happening). In the Afternoon we had lunch, another teaching session (Alex talked about evangelism (seeing a theme to the retreat yet?)), and then free time until we left.

It was really encouraging to see eveyone get so excited and to hear really straight-forward teachings on Evangelism and Discipleship; the definitive points of the Great Commission.

Alex has asked me to teach a class on the practicals of evagelism, since all of theirs have been on the importance of it. They've talked about the "why" and they want me to talk about the "how." I don't think it will be too bad; the most effective ways are usually the simplest. Yes, there are creative ways like surveys and evangecubes and soulariums; there are less confrontational ways like inviting people to church and hoping they pick up on the gospel...but ultimately, nothing can replace the effectiveness of sitting down and talking with someone. Tell them about what God has done in your life. Tell them what the Bible says about Jesus and what he did (and why). Granted, if you sit down with someone, whether you know them or not, and talk to them about Jesus, there will be times you get rejected, mocked, or have terribly awkward situations. But if you sit down with people and tell them about Jesus, there will be people who listen, believe and have a relationship with God because of your obedience... definitely worth it.

"...and by the word of their testimony."

Ok, so we've been meeting a lot of new people, here are some of their stories:

Carolina (La Uni): When we were at the Uni, Sheryl met Carolina...in the bathroom. Henry and I were waiting around in the courtyard, kind of awkwardly, and then Sheryl returns with another girl in tow and a piece of paper with all of her contact information already in hand. Carolina gave us a tour of the architecture department and introduced us (briefly) to at least 10 people that we saw that she knew. She was super friendly and Sheryl got to have a few good conversations with her as she hung out with us every time we've been back to the Uni.

Yazmin (La Uni): Henry knew Yazmin because they had met briefly once and talked a little online. She came to eat with us and Carolina and we all had a great ime laughing and just hanging out. Yazmin is very interested in Christianity and the culture surrounding and the truth that defines it. She has a lot of questions, but she's so open to hear the answers. She's also met back up with us to hang out every time we've been on the campus.

Zuly (La Uni): I don't know much about Zuly, but Sheryl and Brenda met her when we were on campus and they struck up a close friendship. She gave us all free tickets to go see a Sultana (the Monterrey team*) baseball game. We went and got to spend some good time with her and now she's expressed interest in hanging out with us next time she is able.

Daniel (La Uni): Henry and I met Daniel at the end of a semi-discouraging day. As we talked to him, he told us he was already involved in a Christian church in the area and as we talked more, we found out he was one of the leaders of Campus Crusade for Christ on the Uni campus, was considering working full-time as he director and that he knew when we walked up that we were going to evangelize him, because that's how they do it! That would be funny in College Station; in Monterrey, that's crazy. Henry said that was the first active Christian he had met when doing evangelism in 5 years. The thing that is most encouraging about this, however, is the possibilities for the future. There is a growing level of unity between churches; groups that usually don't work together are teaming up like they haven't done in a long time... and now there's a connection for this to happen here? It's beautiful.

Elizabeth (El Tec): We were getting ready to leave Tec campus for the day.. Alex went to go print something and while we were waiting, Javier saw a girl he knew and we stopped to talk for a little while. She said that she was a professional singer and Javier told us that she had the most beautiful voice ever. He kept trying to get her to sing, but she refused. The conversation went on and we talked about lots of different things, but Javier kept asking her to sing and she kept refusing. Finally, he said "If you sing, I'll jump in the fountain over there." and, much to his chagrin; she agreed. She sang, he swam and the friendship was cemented. She's hung out with us each time we went to the Tec and she even came with us to clean up a campgrounds for a retreat she can't come to...

Lulu (El Tec): Jessica and I met Lulu, who was sitting and people-watching on campus. She is a Communications major (whoop) who is looking to switch into either Psychology (hence the people watching) or Industrial Design (talk about different directions). We talked to her and she showed us around campus a little and we got to see where she worked and talked for at least 2 hours (which is crazy for me). She said she'd love to hang out so we got her information to facebook stalk her... Her favorite place in Monterrey is La Fundidora, which is a park-type area that used to be a factory...and which is where we happen to be going on Monday, so we'll get to see her then.
....oh yeah, and after we left Lulu, we ran into Elizabeth again... and she told us that she and Lulu are really close friends.

I truly believe that these 5 girls, out of all our contacts, will definitely join the church here... some of the others might, but these girls are already excited to know us, looking for friends and looking for truth... Daniel won't and i wouldn't want him to leave his ministry, but he may be a key contact for future amazing things in the Church (big picture church) here. The thing that saddens me is that there are no men in the strong contacts we've made. Henry says it's because it's so rare for girls to meet guys here that aren't "machistas," but i think it's because Sheryl is doing a great job connecting with these girls. Culturally, "religion" also seems to be viewed as the woman's part in the family. However, the church here is raising up some amazing men of God that have given him all they are.

Hopefully, I'll put some cool stories about the discipleship in the church up soon, but this weekend we're going to the Mexican version of SCW... I am SO EXCITED ha.

*Monterrey is called "la sultana del norte," "the queen of the north"

Culture on a Tuesday Morning

Yesterday we went to the Tec with Alex Handal. He had to go take a test so we planned when we would meet back and went our separate ways. Sheryl and i got to spend some time talking and discussing how the trip was going and what was stressful/what was encouraging.

The language barrier has been more difficult than i expected; even though many people speak english here and Sheryl and i both speak pretty decent spanish, the holes are often in the same places. The concepts that we don't understand in spanish are often the same ones that the people here don't know how to express in english heh. The interesting thing about going without the team and living with the families here is that we don't have a cultural retreat; when the day is over, we don't go back to our hotel where the jokes and the processing is done in english (though the people in the church here are doing such a wonderful job of making us feel welcomed, their hospitality is amazing).

There are two other "gringas" here (gringo is used really affectionately here ha...or at least with the church). Megan and Jessica who are from a GCM church in Iowa and also know the Handal family. They're currently involved in different stuff than Sheryl and i, but we still hang out together a veces (sometimes).

Today we're going back to la Uni with Henry and then tonight we'll meet with different grupos de crecimientos. The Uni and the Tec are very different and the people there each view the other differently. They are kind of rivals, but it's amiable until a futbol game. The Uni is the big public university, more the size of A+M, and the students there are not required to study english, so communication is more challenging. They also seem more open to hearing the gospel, though the students at the Tec have been very receptive too. The Tec is a smaller, private university. It has more of the familiar and laid-back feel that A+M campus has though (possibly the layout, possibly the fact that i've been there before). The students there are generally more well-off and you're more likely to find students from other countries at the Tec. They're required to take english classes, so it's a little easier to talk... (they like to practice their english and we like to practice our spanish so the conversations switch around alot)...

Church!

Saturday was relaxing, i slept in, went on errands with Omar and Edgar and then went to a homegroup (grupo de crecemientos). I got to watch them practice for their musical, which is hilarious, and then we went and played futbol...which was exhausting. I got to eat my first real Mexican tacos of the summer!

Today was my first church service in Monterrey since last January (2010). It was so wonderful! The church here has moved to a new location in the nicest hotel in town. It is so big and there were so many people...at both services : ) The church here has gotten so big that they have an 11:00 and a 12:30 service. I got to go early with Omar to help with setup; the system is alot different than Fellowship in College Station, but it works really well...

After church, we went to Burger King (yea, Burgr King) to celebrate Andres' birthday. Lunch lasted from 2:00 til around 4:30, heh. Afterwards we rested awhile and then we went to see X-Men at the Cinemex. It was a really relaxing, really long day :)

Our schedule, as i understand it, is this:

Monday: Tec Campus
Tuesay: Uni Campus and grupo de crecimientos
Wednesday: Tec Campus
Thursday: Uni Campus
Friday: Uni Campus
Saturday: relax or community service and then grupo de crecimientos
Sunday: church and relax

Bienvenido a Monterrey

Today was our second full day in Monterrey. After we got in, we relaxed for the night and met the families we are staying with and then got some rest. The family I am staying with is wonderful.. I am living with a new leader, Omar, his brother Edgar, Edgar's wife Jennifer and their daughter Sofia. The first night I was here, Sofia gave me her copy of "Green Eggs and Ham" to read while I was here.

Thursday we went to the Uni; La Universidad Autonima de Nueva Leon. We walked around the campus and prayed. Afterwards, we went to hangout and played pictionary (in Spanish).

Today we went back to the Uni and began to do some cold-call evangelism/contact collecting. We met a LOT of people who seemed very interested in the church. Sheryl met a couple of really cool girls and one of them gave us tickets to come see the baseball game.

After the first day here, I think the most helpful thing we can do here is to share the evangelism methods we've learned and encourage the church here in their efforts at evangelism and discipleship. Though the Americans on campus are interesting to talk to, the students here are more comfortable and connect better with the believers in the church. The harvest here is indeed plentiful; and the sooner new believers can be trained in evangelism and discipleship, the sooner there will be more workers.

Delays?

So, everything worked out pretty well. I got my support all raised and Sheryl found her passport and everything was going to go smoothly...

We got up early to ride to the airport in Houston; it was a lovely morning and it looked to be a lovely drive. 5 minutes into it, however, we had a flat tire. We changed the tire and my dad came to the rescue with a different car for us to drive to Houston. (which means i got to drive Cliff (yay) but i left my car at home with 3.75 tires (sad)) We got a little turned around in Houston, but made it to the airport on time, whch meant our troubles were finally over!

So, then our flight got delayed... for 5 hours. We did some re-arranging of our flights with the help of a nice recorded voice on a phone line and we're now still in Houston, but our flights are lined up... for now.

I guess that can go down as spiritual warfare, or maybe it's just God reminding us how dependent we are on him for anything working out smoothly.. at any rate, i think everything s worked out now and we'll be in Mexico tonight.

Graduation

So, i graduated. The ceremony was at 9 this morning (or yesterday morning by now). The ceremony wasn't anything epic, but it was really cool that my family came en masse. My parents and John and Anne and my Uncle Mike and Aunt Gayle all showed up and my grandparents almost did but weren't able to. It was really encouraging to me, especially having Anne and John there.

With all of the graduation gifts, i'm almost done with support-raising (which rocks). The really encouraging thing is knowing that my family is so supportive of this, even though we don't exactly know what all we will be doing yet.

The thing i am most concerned about is how discouraged i've been without an explanation. Sheryl encountered so much resistence going into this trip (and has done a fantastic job of seeking God in it), but everyone's supporting me. My battle seems to be more internal; i still feel disconnected from God and i don't want to go into a summer of good work without any energy. More importantly, i don't want to be disconnected from him. He's got a plan though.

The Basics

I've never made a blog before (I feel like I've sold out a little, but I'm ok with it heh), but I think this will be the best way to keep everyone updated on the trip this summer.

I will be going to Monterrey, Mexico as part of a two-person team sent by Fellowship Church. My cohort is Sheryl, a good friend in my homegroup. We'll be going to work with a sister church to Fellowship that is reaching university students. We don't rightly know what exactly we'll be doing, but the pastor of the church there has said he has lots we can help with.

My biggest hope for the trip is that we'll be an encouragement to the church down there. I think we'll do much more learning than we will teaching, but I'm very ok with that, too. This trip is also important to me because I'm trying to figure out if this is what God wants me to do with my life.

We're leaving June 1st and getting back August 3rd; flying in and out. I'm starting to get really excited as all the pieces are falling into place...