straight reppin'

So, today (Wednesday (2 weeks left!)) i was approached twice and asked for money because i'm a guero. Guero technically means blonde, but in reality it is anyone with not-black hair (or red, pelirrojo); basically it is a substitute for gringo, which some people view as offensive, but it depends on your usage (i'm not offended and the church uses it lovingly). (this isn't me being paranoid or feeling discriminated against, beeteedub (yes, i said that)) AND we're back on track.I've been more aware of being white in Mexico just because i'm something different looking. There are several things that i've become more aware of, just because they're ways that i'm different from most of what you see here.

The main effect of this is that i've been more concerned with reputation than before. Usually, when people say something about me (after i get past my pride), it doesn't bother me. Here, however, there have been several times i've piped up and corrected a story or statement because of how it portrays me. I am careful how i treat my money, so that i am seen as neither codo (cheap) nor extravagant. I try to be careful how i interact with people so i don't come off seeming either pushy or cold. Beyond my obvious egocentric motivation, however, there is a good reason for my concern. In Mexico, i am not just Sam Baker to the people i meet. I am all the things that make me different. I am gueros (white people). I am gringos (Americans). I am Texans. I represent all of these things and how i am seen is, for many people here, how they will be seen.

There's something more important though... something that doesn't apply just in Mexico (yea, you know what it is). I am representing, i am an ambassador of my Jesus and of his church...we all are. When we interact (on every level) with people, we aren't just operating as ourselves; we bear the name of Christ. (i feel like we know that, it's common knowledge, not a bold statement(really? bold?))We bear the name of the church. So many people talk about how the church is hypocritical and corrupt and hurts people. Why? Because i am hypocritical and corrupt and hurt people (sorry). People question whether God is at work in their lives and whether he loves them because we aren't doing the work he gives us in their lives and we aren't sharing the love he gives us with them (and that's not just my slant on it(ouch, slant)). I kept switching back and forth on that sentence between saying "we" and "i," but even in a blog about my time in Mexico, i get tired of saying "i." Eyes (yup) are on us, reputation really does matter (would another formatting (or formatted?) joke be over the line? (do i have an underlying (wow. really? twice?) reason for all these puns? maybe i just want attention).

But! i really do have to do a pride check. I need to be careful how i present myself, but not because i want myself to be seen in a good light. I'm broken and people should know that because my brokenness glorifies God (we do need him, afterall).

So...reputation, representation, reposition, repitition