What I learned in Mexico:
-Don't be Mija, Naco, or Lupe. If you do, you might get cachetadas guajoloteras
-It's bien gacho to k-nife someone in the behind you
-It's even worse to bi-te someone in the behind you...unless they're related
-You need the Fua if you want to be the best of the best of the best, sir
-If your compadre offers you un chorro de toluache, say maybe of course
-If your compadre offers you un churro, say no of course
-I learned to smi-le and make facial expressions
-I learned that there are certain things you need to ask yourself, like: "¿Estoy en el cielo o la tierra?" and: "¿Juay de rito?"
-I learned the correct response to "Aja vo ¿que onda?" is "Naranjas ¿y tunas?"
-I learned about the Mamut Chiquitito and las ruedas del ferrocarril
-If there are too many tocallos, you can always change people's names
-Never say no to Panda
-Mexican Shepherds are actually really cool dogs
I learned that the church in Mexico is growing like crazy and that people are hungry for God and the gospel like you wouldn't believe ....
05 August, 2011
31 July, 2011
Preparing for the August rush
see how i alluded to a movie in the title. dang. as punishment, i wrote out this whole post; poured out my heart and soul...then when i tried to post it, my internet had logged out and it got lost. It would be tragic if it wasn't funny.
So, we're basically done here (i think). We keep having our "last ____." Last time with Omar's group, last visit to la Uni, tomorrow is our last church service here...etc. We've packed a billion meetings and hangouts into these last few days (we have 3 left), but they're all enjoyable. We're trying to connect our contacts to the church still and the ones we don't, we'll see in January. Saying goodbyes and taking tourist photos; telling people to come to LT and saying we'll be back in January... all that stuff. I have a whole awesome album to put on the face book and a list of the things i've learned to write up. And we need to think about the almost-inevitable Missions Moment we'll be doing soon..
And so we shift gears to thinking about homegroup. We want to multiply this semester. We're set to do it with leadership and size and momentum and all that jazz... we just have to commit to it at Staff Retreat and cast vision for it this semester. Staff Retreat will happen promptly after we get back to Texas, then Anne's graduation, then it's back to work in CStat.. which will be interesting sans school. All that is in the future though; right now my focus is Staff Retreat.
It's all come full circle. My first Staff Retreat was on the beach, which i loved. I came into it scared senseless and it was the best week of my college life. This year i am putting equally high hope into the week. Last year we went to a camp somewhere and it was cool, but because of where i was at the time, it felt all business, no relationship. This year, which *appears to be* my last Staff Retreat, we're back at the beach, which i love. I'm going into it dry and burnt out after the worst year of my college life (year and a half, really)... and i'm putting a lot of expectation and hope into what i hope God will do.
See, in Mexico, i've been able to ignore all the things which were the worst in my life. *this is the whole honest, soul-pouring part* I've been away from all of the interpersonal mess i've made for myself and, even though i haven't fixed my God-problem, i haven't had people depending on "me" (in my mind), so it doesn't make as much difference.
"'God problem?'" Oh, yeah...the past year and a half i've been emotionally disconnected from God. Worship (which i love) feels empty and forced, prayer feels one-sided, quiet times are...well...quiet. And i just gave a teaching yesterday (Friday) on how, in leadership/discipleship (and life, really), mantaining your relationship with God is the most important thing you can do. I've been wrestling with this for a while and i have no answers.
At first i thought, "Aha! I have sin in my life that is keeping me from God and he's showing it to me!" So i promptly began confessing the sins i could find in my heart and life... it didn't change anything and then i remembered Job. "Aha! God is testing my motivations for seeking him!" So i began checking them... do i pursue God for how he makes me feel? No, it's not about my feelings; he's worthy of my love and praise regardless..becasue he's God... but nothing changed. Then i though, "Ah..it's my personality. I've never been very emotional, anyway..." but i used to feel things with God, the intimacy was beautiful and deep.. "Ah...maybe i turned off my emotions in some emo can't love, can't hurt thing.." But i just don't think that's the case. And if it was, god could break through any walls that i put up. But do i have to want him to do it?
"Aha! God is trying to get me to pursue him!" All my life i've been carried places by God (kicking and screaming usually). Maybe he wants me to pursue him. But how? prayer? scripture? fasting? ...with all of my heart. Here's where i get stuck. I'm don't feel desperate for God. I don't feel like a deer panting for water. I don't feel anything. that's the problem. It's a cycle and i can't break it. I understand that i'm completely dependent on God, i just don't feel it.. is that bad? i don't know. Maybe i need to be brought to a breaking point, where i just can't stand it anymore.
There's the problem though...This past year and a half has been bad. If God hadn't brought the Kroegers to my homegroup this year, it would have been a really bad year. I can't ead a newly multiplied homegroup if i'm not connected to God and a newly multiplied homegroup doesn't need a leader who falls apart. But if i have to be taken to the end of my rope, to where i'm humbled and fall apart, that's where it's heading. This past year and a half, i've been slowly but surely proved incompetent in all of the things i think i'm good at (driving, running, people skills, spanish, school, self-discipline, healthy living, kindness, etc). I've gained some 35 pounds and i've got a back injury that doesn't even let me sit comfortably half the time. I'm in a position where i could be broken, but i still feel (not to sounds prideful) like i have a lot of rope left before the end. I want God to break me at Staff Retreat, but i don't want it to be incomplete. I want him to dig deep into me and cut out all the crap in my heart because i don't want to be seperated from him like this again. I want this to end, but i don't want it to end before it's supposed to.
So...that's my complaining post, the next one will be funny.
So, we're basically done here (i think). We keep having our "last ____." Last time with Omar's group, last visit to la Uni, tomorrow is our last church service here...etc. We've packed a billion meetings and hangouts into these last few days (we have 3 left), but they're all enjoyable. We're trying to connect our contacts to the church still and the ones we don't, we'll see in January. Saying goodbyes and taking tourist photos; telling people to come to LT and saying we'll be back in January... all that stuff. I have a whole awesome album to put on the face book and a list of the things i've learned to write up. And we need to think about the almost-inevitable Missions Moment we'll be doing soon..
And so we shift gears to thinking about homegroup. We want to multiply this semester. We're set to do it with leadership and size and momentum and all that jazz... we just have to commit to it at Staff Retreat and cast vision for it this semester. Staff Retreat will happen promptly after we get back to Texas, then Anne's graduation, then it's back to work in CStat.. which will be interesting sans school. All that is in the future though; right now my focus is Staff Retreat.
It's all come full circle. My first Staff Retreat was on the beach, which i loved. I came into it scared senseless and it was the best week of my college life. This year i am putting equally high hope into the week. Last year we went to a camp somewhere and it was cool, but because of where i was at the time, it felt all business, no relationship. This year, which *appears to be* my last Staff Retreat, we're back at the beach, which i love. I'm going into it dry and burnt out after the worst year of my college life (year and a half, really)... and i'm putting a lot of expectation and hope into what i hope God will do.
See, in Mexico, i've been able to ignore all the things which were the worst in my life. *this is the whole honest, soul-pouring part* I've been away from all of the interpersonal mess i've made for myself and, even though i haven't fixed my God-problem, i haven't had people depending on "me" (in my mind), so it doesn't make as much difference.
"'God problem?'" Oh, yeah...the past year and a half i've been emotionally disconnected from God. Worship (which i love) feels empty and forced, prayer feels one-sided, quiet times are...well...quiet. And i just gave a teaching yesterday (Friday) on how, in leadership/discipleship (and life, really), mantaining your relationship with God is the most important thing you can do. I've been wrestling with this for a while and i have no answers.
At first i thought, "Aha! I have sin in my life that is keeping me from God and he's showing it to me!" So i promptly began confessing the sins i could find in my heart and life... it didn't change anything and then i remembered Job. "Aha! God is testing my motivations for seeking him!" So i began checking them... do i pursue God for how he makes me feel? No, it's not about my feelings; he's worthy of my love and praise regardless..becasue he's God... but nothing changed. Then i though, "Ah..it's my personality. I've never been very emotional, anyway..." but i used to feel things with God, the intimacy was beautiful and deep.. "Ah...maybe i turned off my emotions in some emo can't love, can't hurt thing.." But i just don't think that's the case. And if it was, god could break through any walls that i put up. But do i have to want him to do it?
"Aha! God is trying to get me to pursue him!" All my life i've been carried places by God (kicking and screaming usually). Maybe he wants me to pursue him. But how? prayer? scripture? fasting? ...with all of my heart. Here's where i get stuck. I'm don't feel desperate for God. I don't feel like a deer panting for water. I don't feel anything. that's the problem. It's a cycle and i can't break it. I understand that i'm completely dependent on God, i just don't feel it.. is that bad? i don't know. Maybe i need to be brought to a breaking point, where i just can't stand it anymore.
There's the problem though...This past year and a half has been bad. If God hadn't brought the Kroegers to my homegroup this year, it would have been a really bad year. I can't ead a newly multiplied homegroup if i'm not connected to God and a newly multiplied homegroup doesn't need a leader who falls apart. But if i have to be taken to the end of my rope, to where i'm humbled and fall apart, that's where it's heading. This past year and a half, i've been slowly but surely proved incompetent in all of the things i think i'm good at (driving, running, people skills, spanish, school, self-discipline, healthy living, kindness, etc). I've gained some 35 pounds and i've got a back injury that doesn't even let me sit comfortably half the time. I'm in a position where i could be broken, but i still feel (not to sounds prideful) like i have a lot of rope left before the end. I want God to break me at Staff Retreat, but i don't want it to be incomplete. I want him to dig deep into me and cut out all the crap in my heart because i don't want to be seperated from him like this again. I want this to end, but i don't want it to end before it's supposed to.
So...that's my complaining post, the next one will be funny.
29 July, 2011
*Hiking, witchcraft, art, discipleship
"witchraft?" we'll get there.
Yesterday (Wednesday), marked the beginning of our last week in Monterrey.
We went on many adventures, but it began with Cerro de la Silla, which is a mountain overlooking Monterrey. It's shaped like a giant saddle and is a famous landmark for the city (College Station-ites, there is a restaurant, La Botana, off of Villa Maria that has a picture on the sign). We started at around 8 in the morning and went to climb up to a cool lookout spot about a quarter of the way up (we didn't have time to legitimately climb the whole thing), where we prayed and looked out over as much of the city as we could see.
"witchcraft?" calm down.
People keep asking me if i'm ready to leave Monterrey. I really think i am. I have been for a while and i don't know why. I like it here, don't get me wrong, but it doesn't feel right right now. All i can think about is what i want to do for homegroup and for our January Mexico trip. I don't know if that reflects any on my perpetual existential question "what am i supposed to do with my life??" but i don't think so. This feels weird because i'm a 2-month guest. I have no semblance of independence here... i wake up most days and don't know what we will do that day...it's like i lack a direction or vision; though i understand what we're doing here (encouraging the church and helping it grow). Maybe it's the lack of ability to make my own plans. I feel like (as the Bible says) an old man, led around, fed, etc... maybe it's pride, maybe not.
"witchcraft??" my, how you do harp on that.
After we hiked, we went to H.E.B. and got some donuts and ate them at Perla's house... they were lovely.
"witchcraft?" you're going do be disappointed, you know.
After we ate our donuts we went to a Cathartic Therapy session to which Lulu's dad invited us. "A what??" Exactly. I made up that name because i don't know what it was. We were helping with the session. Here's the way it worked: A husband and wife were having trouble with their 18 year old son or something like that. We (around 10 people that they didn't know) all went into a room and basically did roleplaying. They chose people to represent themselves, then chose someone to represent their son (any guesses who that was? yea, me). They positioned their surrogate selves and then positioned me. The guy running it then chose other people to represent things (he didn't say what) and told them to go stand where they felt they belonged (they didn't know what they were). Then he identified them and used their positioning to explin "my" (the son's) desires and priorities. Schooling was standing right in front of me and i couldn't see past it to where Life, Love and Career were standing. He introduced another character, the dead son of the couple and had me say (this is all in Spanish and i barely understood) that i couldn't live for both of us and a bunch of other stuff. Then he had the real parents step in for their surrogates and say all kinds of stuff and the mom was crying and there was some powerful catharsis... but, the whole thing felt very strange to me. It was some form of European therapy, but it felt like a modern shell-tossing or intestine-reading. Javier and i decided it was witchcraft. (tada).
Anyway, Lulu's dad (who doesn't trust people) was really grateful and he likes us and all that an it's really good for Lulu being able to come to the church.
After that we ate pizza from an Oxxo, then headed to the Marco (Museo de ARte COntemporaneo) to meet with Liz (who didn't come) and some friends from the church (who did come). We saw the Hyper-realism art of some guy (giant people, super-lifelike) and got in trouble for sitting on the ledges and generally had a great time.
Tomorrow (Friday) Sheryl and i are teaching again, this time on discipleship. So, i'm going to organize all of my thougts here. I'm going to say some preliminary stuff, then Sheryl will say everything she has, then i'll say the stuff i stole from...NLT (new leaders training, offered by Fellowship).
Important things to remember:
-No one is my disciple. I don't want a bunch of little Sams running around doing things the way i do them. We are disciples of Christ. My goal is to help people younger than me in the faith become more like Christ.
-The ultimate goal is maturity. I do not want someone to be forever reliant upon me to feed them. Just like with a kid, we teach them to feed themselves and, eventually, feed others. Not that we don't need each other. The goal is not independence, but interdependence.
-For the discipler, as for the evangelist, it is crucial to remember our roles. We are not causing spiritual growth. Like in 1st Corinthians 3, we are planting and watering seeds, but God is the only one who can make a person grow.
-Discipleship is a form of leadership. When we disciple someone, they are giving us a measure of authority over our lives. Because of that, even though we rely on the Holy Spirit for our success, it is important that s discipler have a certain amount of spiritual maturity.
-As a discipler, the single most important thing for you to do is maintain your relationship with God. This is the case for any leadership. Your relationship with God has to come first. If that relationship suffers, what does it matter what you accomplish?
Then Sheryl will talk awhile.
Ok, the goal of discipleship is spiritual maturity, how to we get there? There are four main areas of growth in a person's life. Character, Doctrine, Ministry Skills, Devotion to God.
Character, simply put, is what you are made of. What traits do you have? Things like the fruit of the Spirit... how a person lives their life. If we don't grow in character, the result is hypocrisy in our lives.
Doctrine is what you believe. Do you believe what the Bible says about the world, about God, about yourself? The last one is often the hardest; our identity in Christ is the thing the enemy attacks the most. If we do not grow in doctrine, the result is heresy in our beliefs.
Ministry Skills is basically how well you do "Christian" things. Can you share the gospel? Can you lead a discussion? Can you disciple others? If we don't grow in ministry skills, we will be less helpful in advancing God's kingdom.
Devotion to God is the most important. It's our motivation, why do we do what we do? Why do we do anything? For God. For God's glory. If we don't grow in devotion to God, we will do things for selfish reasons.
Ok, how do we help people grow in these four areas? The three main tools we have are Spiritual Disciplines, Relationships and Responsibilities.
Spiritual Disciplines. These are all the things that we are always told we should do. Prayer, reading the Bible, praying, tithing, fasting, scripture memory... Go through them, practice them together, investigate what scripture says about them... it isn't about legalism or duties we are required to do, God gave us these disciplines as gifts to help us grow.
Relationships. The way we treat people says a lot about who we are. As we become like Christ, we grow in love for other people. How do people treat their families? friends in the church? friends outside the church? people who aren't their friends at all? God cares alot about relationships, we should too.
Responsibilities. Giving people jobs to do is a great way to stretch them. Start small with one-time small tasks: "can you bring ____ to the group?" Move up to bigger and more frequent responsibilities: "can you make sure that ________ happens every week?" Don't be afraid to challenge people, but don't scare them by giving them too much too soon.
As a discipler, it is important that you act out of love for whoever you are discipling. Like evangelism, if it's not in love, it's a project; it's self-centered. You need to be willing to give your time for the person; they will need you to be there for them. It is also crucial that you are honest with them. You have struggles, you have problems... be honest about them. If you don't, they'll be less comfortable being honest with you. Also, they'll have an unrealistic view of you as super-holy and this will prevent them from seeing that God can use them as he uses you.
So that's what i want to say... hope i remember it all.
Yesterday (Wednesday), marked the beginning of our last week in Monterrey.
We went on many adventures, but it began with Cerro de la Silla, which is a mountain overlooking Monterrey. It's shaped like a giant saddle and is a famous landmark for the city (College Station-ites, there is a restaurant, La Botana, off of Villa Maria that has a picture on the sign). We started at around 8 in the morning and went to climb up to a cool lookout spot about a quarter of the way up (we didn't have time to legitimately climb the whole thing), where we prayed and looked out over as much of the city as we could see.
"witchcraft?" calm down.
People keep asking me if i'm ready to leave Monterrey. I really think i am. I have been for a while and i don't know why. I like it here, don't get me wrong, but it doesn't feel right right now. All i can think about is what i want to do for homegroup and for our January Mexico trip. I don't know if that reflects any on my perpetual existential question "what am i supposed to do with my life??" but i don't think so. This feels weird because i'm a 2-month guest. I have no semblance of independence here... i wake up most days and don't know what we will do that day...it's like i lack a direction or vision; though i understand what we're doing here (encouraging the church and helping it grow). Maybe it's the lack of ability to make my own plans. I feel like (as the Bible says) an old man, led around, fed, etc... maybe it's pride, maybe not.
"witchcraft??" my, how you do harp on that.
After we hiked, we went to H.E.B. and got some donuts and ate them at Perla's house... they were lovely.
"witchcraft?" you're going do be disappointed, you know.
After we ate our donuts we went to a Cathartic Therapy session to which Lulu's dad invited us. "A what??" Exactly. I made up that name because i don't know what it was. We were helping with the session. Here's the way it worked: A husband and wife were having trouble with their 18 year old son or something like that. We (around 10 people that they didn't know) all went into a room and basically did roleplaying. They chose people to represent themselves, then chose someone to represent their son (any guesses who that was? yea, me). They positioned their surrogate selves and then positioned me. The guy running it then chose other people to represent things (he didn't say what) and told them to go stand where they felt they belonged (they didn't know what they were). Then he identified them and used their positioning to explin "my" (the son's) desires and priorities. Schooling was standing right in front of me and i couldn't see past it to where Life, Love and Career were standing. He introduced another character, the dead son of the couple and had me say (this is all in Spanish and i barely understood) that i couldn't live for both of us and a bunch of other stuff. Then he had the real parents step in for their surrogates and say all kinds of stuff and the mom was crying and there was some powerful catharsis... but, the whole thing felt very strange to me. It was some form of European therapy, but it felt like a modern shell-tossing or intestine-reading. Javier and i decided it was witchcraft. (tada).
Anyway, Lulu's dad (who doesn't trust people) was really grateful and he likes us and all that an it's really good for Lulu being able to come to the church.
After that we ate pizza from an Oxxo, then headed to the Marco (Museo de ARte COntemporaneo) to meet with Liz (who didn't come) and some friends from the church (who did come). We saw the Hyper-realism art of some guy (giant people, super-lifelike) and got in trouble for sitting on the ledges and generally had a great time.
Tomorrow (Friday) Sheryl and i are teaching again, this time on discipleship. So, i'm going to organize all of my thougts here. I'm going to say some preliminary stuff, then Sheryl will say everything she has, then i'll say the stuff i stole from...NLT (new leaders training, offered by Fellowship).
Important things to remember:
-No one is my disciple. I don't want a bunch of little Sams running around doing things the way i do them. We are disciples of Christ. My goal is to help people younger than me in the faith become more like Christ.
-The ultimate goal is maturity. I do not want someone to be forever reliant upon me to feed them. Just like with a kid, we teach them to feed themselves and, eventually, feed others. Not that we don't need each other. The goal is not independence, but interdependence.
-For the discipler, as for the evangelist, it is crucial to remember our roles. We are not causing spiritual growth. Like in 1st Corinthians 3, we are planting and watering seeds, but God is the only one who can make a person grow.
-Discipleship is a form of leadership. When we disciple someone, they are giving us a measure of authority over our lives. Because of that, even though we rely on the Holy Spirit for our success, it is important that s discipler have a certain amount of spiritual maturity.
-As a discipler, the single most important thing for you to do is maintain your relationship with God. This is the case for any leadership. Your relationship with God has to come first. If that relationship suffers, what does it matter what you accomplish?
Then Sheryl will talk awhile.
Ok, the goal of discipleship is spiritual maturity, how to we get there? There are four main areas of growth in a person's life. Character, Doctrine, Ministry Skills, Devotion to God.
Character, simply put, is what you are made of. What traits do you have? Things like the fruit of the Spirit... how a person lives their life. If we don't grow in character, the result is hypocrisy in our lives.
Doctrine is what you believe. Do you believe what the Bible says about the world, about God, about yourself? The last one is often the hardest; our identity in Christ is the thing the enemy attacks the most. If we do not grow in doctrine, the result is heresy in our beliefs.
Ministry Skills is basically how well you do "Christian" things. Can you share the gospel? Can you lead a discussion? Can you disciple others? If we don't grow in ministry skills, we will be less helpful in advancing God's kingdom.
Devotion to God is the most important. It's our motivation, why do we do what we do? Why do we do anything? For God. For God's glory. If we don't grow in devotion to God, we will do things for selfish reasons.
Ok, how do we help people grow in these four areas? The three main tools we have are Spiritual Disciplines, Relationships and Responsibilities.
Spiritual Disciplines. These are all the things that we are always told we should do. Prayer, reading the Bible, praying, tithing, fasting, scripture memory... Go through them, practice them together, investigate what scripture says about them... it isn't about legalism or duties we are required to do, God gave us these disciplines as gifts to help us grow.
Relationships. The way we treat people says a lot about who we are. As we become like Christ, we grow in love for other people. How do people treat their families? friends in the church? friends outside the church? people who aren't their friends at all? God cares alot about relationships, we should too.
Responsibilities. Giving people jobs to do is a great way to stretch them. Start small with one-time small tasks: "can you bring ____ to the group?" Move up to bigger and more frequent responsibilities: "can you make sure that ________ happens every week?" Don't be afraid to challenge people, but don't scare them by giving them too much too soon.
As a discipler, it is important that you act out of love for whoever you are discipling. Like evangelism, if it's not in love, it's a project; it's self-centered. You need to be willing to give your time for the person; they will need you to be there for them. It is also crucial that you are honest with them. You have struggles, you have problems... be honest about them. If you don't, they'll be less comfortable being honest with you. Also, they'll have an unrealistic view of you as super-holy and this will prevent them from seeing that God can use them as he uses you.
So that's what i want to say... hope i remember it all.
23 July, 2011
nothing dramatic
My name is now Jacinto, by the way.
A year or so ago, a guy named Josue (Joshua) lived in the room that i now occupy, but Edgar always called him Samuel...He came back to visit, which provided a plethora of Sams (me, josue and a couple of samanthas)... we also decided that when he named Josue Samuel, Edgar unknowingly summoned me..and now i'm here. So we're testing the theory. If they get a Jacinto later, we'll know. Incidentally, Sophia is very angry at the attempted name change, we'll see how it goes.
Anyway, today (Friday) we hung out at the Uni with Raul, Sergio, Carolina, Ricardo (our contact) and some of Ricardo's friends. "We" almost didn't include me, but Carolina came and got me via the metro/subway thing and took me to the Uni (which means i got to use the subways here; they're fun (and, yes, safe))... Though i worry a bit about her motivations sometimes, Carolina is super-friendly and has taken good care of Sheryl and me.
Carolina is a girl that Sheryl met (i talked about her previously), who showed us all around the arquitecture department and has started coming to church and we've met her family and she's thinking of doing her post-grad at...TAMU. Which means she will end up in Fellowship some day, ha.
I've decided that i miss running. I do run here sometimes, but i mean that i miss being a Runner. that's ok though, i can't really complain since my complacency has been a prime factor in me not doing it that often heh.
A year or so ago, a guy named Josue (Joshua) lived in the room that i now occupy, but Edgar always called him Samuel...He came back to visit, which provided a plethora of Sams (me, josue and a couple of samanthas)... we also decided that when he named Josue Samuel, Edgar unknowingly summoned me..and now i'm here. So we're testing the theory. If they get a Jacinto later, we'll know. Incidentally, Sophia is very angry at the attempted name change, we'll see how it goes.
Anyway, today (Friday) we hung out at the Uni with Raul, Sergio, Carolina, Ricardo (our contact) and some of Ricardo's friends. "We" almost didn't include me, but Carolina came and got me via the metro/subway thing and took me to the Uni (which means i got to use the subways here; they're fun (and, yes, safe))... Though i worry a bit about her motivations sometimes, Carolina is super-friendly and has taken good care of Sheryl and me.
Carolina is a girl that Sheryl met (i talked about her previously), who showed us all around the arquitecture department and has started coming to church and we've met her family and she's thinking of doing her post-grad at...TAMU. Which means she will end up in Fellowship some day, ha.
I've decided that i miss running. I do run here sometimes, but i mean that i miss being a Runner. that's ok though, i can't really complain since my complacency has been a prime factor in me not doing it that often heh.
21 July, 2011
straight reppin'
So, today (Wednesday (2 weeks left!)) i was approached twice and asked for money because i'm a guero. Guero technically means blonde, but in reality it is anyone with not-black hair (or red, pelirrojo); basically it is a substitute for gringo, which some people view as offensive, but it depends on your usage (i'm not offended and the church uses it lovingly). (this isn't me being paranoid or feeling discriminated against, beeteedub (yes, i said that)) AND we're back on track.I've been more aware of being white in Mexico just because i'm something different looking. There are several things that i've become more aware of, just because they're ways that i'm different from most of what you see here.
The main effect of this is that i've been more concerned with reputation than before. Usually, when people say something about me (after i get past my pride), it doesn't bother me. Here, however, there have been several times i've piped up and corrected a story or statement because of how it portrays me. I am careful how i treat my money, so that i am seen as neither codo (cheap) nor extravagant. I try to be careful how i interact with people so i don't come off seeming either pushy or cold. Beyond my obvious egocentric motivation, however, there is a good reason for my concern. In Mexico, i am not just Sam Baker to the people i meet. I am all the things that make me different. I am gueros (white people). I am gringos (Americans). I am Texans. I represent all of these things and how i am seen is, for many people here, how they will be seen.
There's something more important though... something that doesn't apply just in Mexico (yea, you know what it is). I am representing, i am an ambassador of my Jesus and of his church...we all are. When we interact (on every level) with people, we aren't just operating as ourselves; we bear the name of Christ. (i feel like we know that, it's common knowledge, not a bold statement(really? bold?))We bear the name of the church. So many people talk about how the church is hypocritical and corrupt and hurts people. Why? Because i am hypocritical and corrupt and hurt people (sorry). People question whether God is at work in their lives and whether he loves them because we aren't doing the work he gives us in their lives and we aren't sharing the love he gives us with them (and that's not just my slant on it(ouch, slant)). I kept switching back and forth on that sentence between saying "we" and "i," but even in a blog about my time in Mexico, i get tired of saying "i." Eyes (yup) are on us, reputation really does matter (would another formatting (or formatted?) joke be over the line? (do i have an underlying (wow. really? twice?) reason for all these puns? maybe i just want attention).
But! i really do have to do a pride check. I need to be careful how i present myself, but not because i want myself to be seen in a good light. I'm broken and people should know that because my brokenness glorifies God (we do need him, afterall).
So...reputation, representation, reposition, repitition
The main effect of this is that i've been more concerned with reputation than before. Usually, when people say something about me (after i get past my pride), it doesn't bother me. Here, however, there have been several times i've piped up and corrected a story or statement because of how it portrays me. I am careful how i treat my money, so that i am seen as neither codo (cheap) nor extravagant. I try to be careful how i interact with people so i don't come off seeming either pushy or cold. Beyond my obvious egocentric motivation, however, there is a good reason for my concern. In Mexico, i am not just Sam Baker to the people i meet. I am all the things that make me different. I am gueros (white people). I am gringos (Americans). I am Texans. I represent all of these things and how i am seen is, for many people here, how they will be seen.
There's something more important though... something that doesn't apply just in Mexico (yea, you know what it is). I am representing, i am an ambassador of my Jesus and of his church...we all are. When we interact (on every level) with people, we aren't just operating as ourselves; we bear the name of Christ. (i feel like we know that, it's common knowledge, not a bold statement(really? bold?))We bear the name of the church. So many people talk about how the church is hypocritical and corrupt and hurts people. Why? Because i am hypocritical and corrupt and hurt people (sorry). People question whether God is at work in their lives and whether he loves them because we aren't doing the work he gives us in their lives and we aren't sharing the love he gives us with them (and that's not just my slant on it(ouch, slant)). I kept switching back and forth on that sentence between saying "we" and "i," but even in a blog about my time in Mexico, i get tired of saying "i." Eyes (yup) are on us, reputation really does matter (would another formatting (or formatted?) joke be over the line? (do i have an underlying (wow. really? twice?) reason for all these puns? maybe i just want attention).
But! i really do have to do a pride check. I need to be careful how i present myself, but not because i want myself to be seen in a good light. I'm broken and people should know that because my brokenness glorifies God (we do need him, afterall).
So...reputation, representation, reposition, repitition
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